Jim I must Run!

Hey. How you been?

It’s been a while hasn’t it.

You still remember me?

What you been up too?

Me?

Well staying alive has been a main priority and thankfully I’m still here.

And I can honestly say Running has played a big part in that.

Firstly when I started this I was no runner, I hated it, loathed it, could never do it, flat footed, big boobed. Running was not for me. No thanks.

Then shit happened.

I got ill as you know. Breakdown after breakdown.

Then I got angry, so fucking angry that I would pace, never settle, never sleep. My brain was hot wired and set to 11.

I was dealing with shit not even the experts really could help me with. I didn’t fit in any of their pre determined boxes.

Then Jim said, Run

Run with me.

Take it out on the pavement.

Pound that bastard with every once of your anger, fear and let it tire you till you can hardly see.

We’ve dabbled with running before, but I think looking back it was a glorified jog at best. (Not that I’m knocking that!) we we’re still out there doing it.

But this time we ran. Ok not a fast run at first, we slowly built each run up in pace. We covered the same distance. 5km was always our goal for every run. A goal, an invisible finish line to mentally cross.

We ran pretty much 4/5 nights out of seven (and still do) and I don’t mind telling you that it HURT! Hurt like hell. Every muscle screaming, my calf’s and ankles feeling like they could give up at any moment. Throat burning, chest feeling like I was on the verge of s heart attack. BUT, it hurt so much less than what I was going through mentally. It felt great to be in pain, to channel all that mental pain and turn into real pain was so cathartic it was thrilling.

To see how quick we were getting faster was such a reward. To be physically tired out at the end of the day and have no choice but to sleep, but body was the boss now. Also I started to lose a bit of weight and my body shape was changing, it was a great new focus.

My diet has changed as I’ve heavily looked into what food is best for running, muscle recovery and general well being. And I don’t want to undo all that hard work with a crap diet. Don’t get me wrong I still eat take out, chocolate, cake! But maybe not to the extent I did before.

Running has given me focus, a real life goal and I can’t express enough how (and I hate the word!) mindful it has been. It’s like the mental pain and anger is left on the pavement. It pours out through my feet as I run. I use the anger and pain to push me on, tell myself I can do this and how good it feels to feel ALIVE.

Now I’m not saying I’m cured! I’m Not BPD Borderline personality disorder ) free and the depression has not just upped and flown away. But I am saying it’s helped immeasurably.

I now get twitchy if I can’t get out for a run, and pound the days problems and turn them into fuel. Mr six will hear the shout Jim I must run! Coined from a old university friend of his who would announce this to Jim early every morning as he left the uni house. And now I use it.

Me

The runner

Me

The runner who did her first 30 minute 5km run.

Me. The flat footed, big boobed, not a chance me.

Life is still not so awesome as I now face the fact I am losing my brother to Cancer.

But I WILL keep running.

I’m lucky to have each day to do so.

All my love to all those who need it.

Jomakessix X